Should you cheat on your partner? Here’s some relationship advice

[A SilkScreen Kiss]

I’m a cheater. It’s something I have to confess if I’m going to share my thoughts on infidelity with you. Cheating isn’t something that I’m proud of but neither do I beat myself up about it anymore.

I’ve been faithful for the past six years and my current partner (who I’m in the process of separating from) is the first person I haven’t cheated on. Now that I finally know what it’s like not to have cheated in a relationship I’m feeling quite reflective on the whole issue of infidelity.

It’s a huge relief not to feel the insane guilt that I’ve felt in the past when I’ve had to live with the fact that I’d done the dirty on someone. The last time I cheated was with during a relationship with a delightful, charming but incredibly complex French guy that I was totally in love with.

You might ask how could you cheat on someone you love – surely the two actions are completely incompatible. I felt that way too for a while but on reflection I do think that just because you cheat doesn’t mean that you don’t love the person that you’ve been unfaithful to. I think it just means that you’re incredibly immature, insecure, selfish and short-sighted.

For me cheating has always been an expression of some frustration or anger at something that’s going on in my relationship. Kind of like a toddler who picks up a glass and throws it on the floor in a fit of rage it makes sense as you’re driven by your emotions to unleash the pent-up feelings inside and its satisfying to indulge in a destructive form of release. Yet once the act is over, as you survey the broken pieces that surround you the implications of what you have done kick in and the fact is that their effects will be felt for much longer than it took you to commit your indiscretion.

When I cheated on my French guy the moment that it was over I burst into tears. I was sobbing and a total wreck because I was hit by the totality of consequences of what I’d just done. For the next three years I kept it a secret and, worse, ended up putting up with a lot of completely intolerable shit from him because I felt I deserved it.

I finally came clean after we spent some time together after we’d broken up. It was one of those amazing chats that you normally only have at the beginning of a relationship. We lay in bed and talked and talked about life, love, the universe and everything in-between. We poured out our thoughts and feelings under the glare of the moon until the rise of the sun. I told him I’d cheated on him with my ex. He told me he’d always suspected that had been the case. He told me he’d cheated on me twice. I said I didn’t blame him and could understand why he’d felt he needed to seek affection and attention from someone else.

I don’t think either of us was looking to restart our relationship but the freedom we felt from being so open led us to try again. Unsurprisingly it failed after another six months – too much damage had been done, too many other issues needed to be dealt with. So now given the added hindsight that comes with having ended a relationship in which I haven’t cheated , I realise more than ever just how much damage cheating causes and how different my relationship with the French guy could’ve been if only I’d been able to communicate with him instead of seeking sexual revenge.

All of this is to say if you’re thinking of cheating just don’t do it. If you’re that attracted to the person you want to do the dirty with just end your relationship and give yourself the freedom to indulge to your heart’s content. If that seems like too drastic a course of action then DON’T CHEAT! It isn’t worth it. Whatever the reason is you’ll end up doing intense damage to yourself. Even if you don’t really care that much about your partner, care enough about your own well-being and stay true.

Budget hipster chic – Brick Lane button earrings

Brag, Bacon Street, London
Brag, Bacon St, Brick Lane

One of the best things about being in a relationship is that you don’t have to buy your own jewellery (or at least that’s my ideal).

But the annoying thing is that until you actually get to that point where it is officially a relationship, you end up losing a lot of baubles along the way, or at least I do.

For the past couple of months I’ve been dabbling with a guy, let’s call him Boy to keep a sense of enigma.  I’ve managed to lose THREE pairs of earrings at his place. That’s ridiculous no?

I’ve kinda tried dropping hints that they need to be replaced but I reckon the fact that replacements have yet to materialise could be his way of letting me know that i should stop trying to mark my territory by leaving things at his house.

(This by the way is completely unfair as on at least two occasions the earrings have disappeared over night – if he kept his room a bit cleaner it wouldn’t have to be like trying to locate things in the Black Hole of Calcutta and as for marking my territory, I haven’t even left a tooth brush there!)

After a while buying new bits of bling every week, even if it is just cubic zirconia, adds up so I’ve found a solution. Button earrings. They’re super cool and super cheap – just £3.

I’ve started buying them in bulk from Brag (16 Bacon St) off Brick Lane. Check out pictures of the store below:

Brag, Bacon Street, London
Brag, Bacon Street, London
Brag, Bacon Street, London
Brag, Bacon Street, London

Julia Allison’s TMI Weekly? Love it!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Well today I’ve stumbled across a genius show that I simply adore. It’s ok to be retarded about boys and stuff even if you’re not so far away from 30!

 

Julia Allison’s TMI Weekly programme launched earlier this month. I’ve only got round to seeing the two latest episodes but I love it. It’s kind a like My So Called Life meets Sex in the City online.

 

The show, which also features bloggers Meghan Asha and Mary Rambin covers

Style, tech (yes the iPhone pouring beer app did rock my world too) and relationships – three fundamental interests of my life. I have never, ever met any girls who would state that triumvirate of interests.

 

TMI Weekly is so wrong yet so right; I want everyone to love it.

 

And Julia Allison? I get that she’s not the post popular person on the blogosphere but, hell she made Wire fly of the shelves when she graced the magazine’s front cover.

 

She gorgeous, fabulously well dressed, beautiful and a genius at milking the publicity machine but she also has a kick-ass taste in music too. I mean Hot Chip, Junior Boys? Sorry guys but I’m pro-Julia.